My former BFF and I have not spoken in almost a year.  I miss her a lot.  I worked Sunday night and on the way home, I was bawling my eyes out.  I feel so alone.  I truly feel like I have no real friends.  I don't have girlfriends that call me, or to hang out with, or someone I can really TALK to. Yes, I have connections through my blog on Tumblr and here, and on Facebook...but it seems so...unreal.  I mean...I stayed off Facebook all through Lent and invited people to visit my blogs...no one really did.

When I get sick and am in the hospital, I don't get visitors or cards or flowers.  I don't have people who call me to hang out or call just to say "hey".

My sister and I used to talk everyday.  We share a lot of the same health problems, so we really bonded (even more so) during our struggles with that.  But, once she got better and I did not, she told me one day "You know, if all you talk about it is how sick you are, no one will want to talk to you anymore".  I took that as my hint that she didn't want to hear about what I was dealing with so I stopped talking to her about it.  And...looky there!  She barely calls me anymore and when we do talk, she doesn't ask how I am feeling.

Depression has a strong hold on me.  It has for awhile.  I feel so helpless.  My financial situation is a mess.  I am being sued by Methodist Hospital because of past due bills, I met with a bankruptcy attorney and am paying him twice a month to file for Chapter 7. I received another notice from another attorney today about a potential lawsuit against me.  My job is so unsatisfying and depressing.  It's depressing to think that my life has come to what it has.  Yes, I have a wonderful daughter and a great husband, but there are days when I just to disappear.  It pains me to think that there have been many times now that I think to myself "if I just run my car into that light pole, everything will just go away". 

I know I need help.  But, sadly...I can't afford it. 

I just feel so sad.  So sad, all the time. I don't know what to do anymore....