Saturday, August 31, 2013

Ava + One Direction = CRAZY

Ava + One Direction = CRAZY



Debra Bafia

•This message was sent from my iPod

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Greetings from Angelina Ballerina

I created this postcard with the Dress Up With Angelina Ballerina iPhone App.
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/dress-up-angelina-ballerina/id346874935?mt=8

Friday, November 4, 2011

Do you know what it feels like to constantly be running? To constantly feel like you don't know how you can keep going day to day the way you do? Depression has me in its grips harder than ever and I am running out of things to pull me back. Just ending it is becoming more and more of a possibility every single day.

I just don't want to do this anymore. Putting on the facade of "normality" is exhausting. I am really just...done. I just want to disappear.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

And...not one comment...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

My former BFF and I have not spoken in almost a year.  I miss her a lot.  I worked Sunday night and on the way home, I was bawling my eyes out.  I feel so alone.  I truly feel like I have no real friends.  I don't have girlfriends that call me, or to hang out with, or someone I can really TALK to. Yes, I have connections through my blog on Tumblr and here, and on Facebook...but it seems so...unreal.  I mean...I stayed off Facebook all through Lent and invited people to visit my blogs...no one really did.

When I get sick and am in the hospital, I don't get visitors or cards or flowers.  I don't have people who call me to hang out or call just to say "hey".

My sister and I used to talk everyday.  We share a lot of the same health problems, so we really bonded (even more so) during our struggles with that.  But, once she got better and I did not, she told me one day "You know, if all you talk about it is how sick you are, no one will want to talk to you anymore".  I took that as my hint that she didn't want to hear about what I was dealing with so I stopped talking to her about it.  And...looky there!  She barely calls me anymore and when we do talk, she doesn't ask how I am feeling.

Depression has a strong hold on me.  It has for awhile.  I feel so helpless.  My financial situation is a mess.  I am being sued by Methodist Hospital because of past due bills, I met with a bankruptcy attorney and am paying him twice a month to file for Chapter 7. I received another notice from another attorney today about a potential lawsuit against me.  My job is so unsatisfying and depressing.  It's depressing to think that my life has come to what it has.  Yes, I have a wonderful daughter and a great husband, but there are days when I just to disappear.  It pains me to think that there have been many times now that I think to myself "if I just run my car into that light pole, everything will just go away". 

I know I need help.  But, sadly...I can't afford it. 

I just feel so sad.  So sad, all the time. I don't know what to do anymore....

Monday, August 8, 2011

Well, hello old friend!!!



Long time, no check in, eh? DH doesn't have his laptop anymore as that belonged to the school and my new job doesn't allow me to be online all day anymore (boo!!) so the only computers are my iPod and our desktop in the ice cold basement. So I use my iPod which makes posting hard since I have to email it in! Oiy! First world problems, I know!!


Anyway, I have been running for about two weeks now. I have gained some weight from my last weigh in on here. But I feel like the weight has adjusted around. We had been bike riding for a few weeks before I started running so that has helped my figure too.

I hadn't seen any head to toe shots of me in a long time...and this one from work has me pleasantly surprised! I feel I look thinner than I have been giving myself credit for! Still want to lose those saddle bags, but the running is helping all this!!!

DH and I are hoping to run our first 5k in October. Wish us luck! It's not about winning, or what place I come in, or even pace...it's about knowing I CAN run it!!! I keep telling myself that I am still moving faster than those sitting on the couch, right?

Plus, I am super inspired by my friend, "C". She has set out to lose weight and has lost almost thirty pounds!!! What a rock star!!!! :)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

So sorry...

...I have been MIA for so long.  With my new job, I can't log in to blog and it is a PAIN to blog on this forum from my iPod.  So...I only log in once a month right now.  I promise I will try to put more effort in here.  This is a much more personal blog!!!  Meanwhile, I am over at http://www.debra3188.tumblr.com/