2009

I am glad to see her go. This has been a rough year for me.

It started with some pretty serious marriage problems. Believe me, nothing hurts (that I have experienced) worse than marital problems. We worked through it, for the most part, but still deal with it pretty regularly. Who knows where we will be in 5 years?

Obviously, I had a lot of health problems this year. So much so that I lost my job due to it. I had/have a really hard time dealing with this. I had planned to retire with this company and then I was cut loose while I was laying in the hospital. I learned all the people I worked with, the friends I thought I had made, the people I fought for and helped out on a daily basis - didn't give a shit about me. That hurts worse than losing a job. I wish I could find a mature way to express my anger and hurt to them, but there isn't one. Instead, I deal with the pain of all of this silently and, occasionally still, crying about it.

Financial. Oh boy, let's not go there. Let's just say, I am paying $43,000 out of pocket due to aforementioned issue.

Friendships: wow, have my friendships changed. I have realized I have no one that I am really close to. I can't tell my husband everything because some of the stuff that I am hurting about involves him. My best friend and I are nowhere near as close as we used to be. This makes me so sad - I love her and I miss her; not to mention, that I need her in my life. People that I worked with that I thought were my friends turned their backs on me in some of my roughest times. I don't trust people too much anymore. At least once a month, I go through my Facebook and delete people who only have me as their friend because I up their numbers.

I know I said I wasn't going to post anything depressing - but I needed to get this off my chest. I hope 2010 is better for me; I don't know how much else I can take...